Believing (Or Not) In Oneself

I am writing on a train in France. How hopelessly idyllic! I’m on my way to Amsterdam, where people are already crowding the bars (or so I hear) in a celebration of Queen’s Day. Her name is Beatrice. Haha!
These trains just aren’t what they used to be. I am going from Paris to Brussels in about an hour, because I am on the TGV, one of the fastest trains in the world. Maybe an hour doesn’t sound that fast to you, but keep in mind that it takes me thirty minutes to get from the 14th to the 4th arrondissement in Paris, which is traversing less than a quarter of the city. Now does the TGV sound cool? Allright!

I paid $1.70 to use the train station bathroom. It wasn’t even that nice of a bathroom.

I have been studying the European Union today because we have a test over it on Wednesday in our Foreign Policy class. It’s one of those classes where you can tell no one is listening and there’s an ambiance of pleasant daydreaming. I have discovered a lot during that class, like that I can draw some animals just by thinking about them. I’ve been reading the wikipedia articles as a substitute for reviewing my notes/lists of foods I like, and it’s kind of funny how much I absorbed in the actual class just by osmosis. Anyway, it turns out that the EU has a pretty complicated infrastructure, but it’s not as bad as the time I took Chinese Politics. There are a lot of acronyms in the EU, like the ECSC, and the EEC, and the EC, and the SCEA, and the FBI, and the CIA, and the BBC, Doris Day, Dig it!

I am so happy right now. I’ve got a great internship “earmarked” (it’s not official yet) for the summer, I’m living in Paris, I have a great boyfriend to go home to, a nice apartment waiting for me, my best friend is coming to visit me soon, I’m on a train for Amsterdam! What more is there to say? My life is perfect.

I keep thinking about when I was a freshman at Macalester and I went to a study abroad info session for the French department. I saw this girl, A, talking about her time interning and studying in Paris. I had seen A before in MacDems meetings, and was already fascinated by her perfect makeup, stylish clothes, and poise. How did she get so cool? Hearing that she had worked in Paris really tipped the scale from admiration to secret obsession for me. She must be so good at French, and so cultured. I still remember asking her about how study abroad is financed, and she said that in Paris you’re going to end up paying $9 for shampoo. Then she half-rolled her eyes and half-smiled in a perfectly blasé way that only a really cool girl could do. I will admit that one of the most flattering compliments I’ve received was when another girl at Macalester told me that everyone kept thinking that I was A. Now I’m thinking I’m never really going to be A, but I can be equally cool in my own right. I mean, I worked at a fashion PR firm based in Paris this semester. Damn, that sounds cool.

I have been trying to find that David Bowie song “don’t believe in yourself, knowledge comes with it’s release…something something”. I know it’s on my iPod, but I can’t find it. So annoying.